


For Him

by hjlauritsen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Forbidden Love, M/M, Sad, Tragedy, skysolo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:56:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6143704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hjlauritsen/pseuds/hjlauritsen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the ending of TFA from Luke's perspective</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Him

When Luke found out, he nearly collapsed. The pain wracked his body, paralyzing him in a way he hadn’t felt since the emperor unleashed force lightning on him in the second Death Star.

He had promised himself he would never succumb to pain like that again. Had his father not returned to the light, he would’ve been forced to watch the person he loved most die because he wasn’t strong enough to stop the emperor on his own. And Luke’s life would have been swallowed whole by an unbearable, crippling pain he couldn’t even fathom – a pain worse than the ropes of electricity that had wrapped around his body.

And now, what felt like both a millennia and a single day later, he was dead.

Han Solo was dead.

Luke Skywalker was alone.

He had felt it coming. Luke, hidden on a planet far from where the tragedy took place, had still, in a sense, watched his best friend die.

Best friend, soulmate, who was to say there was a difference?

Despite being hopelessly in love, Luke was no fool. He knew he was first and foremost a Jedi Knight, he knew of his father’s decisions and ultimate fate, and most of all, he knew as the child of forbidden love he could never choose such a life for himself.

Even so, Luke adored Han. Han adored Luke. The thief had quite literally stolen his heart.

Han had begged Luke for years to reconsider, “You’re not your father, Luke,” he had said, his confident voice wavering into desperation, “You resisted the dark side, something he failed to do. If anything, you’re the all-powerful Chosen One.”

“Don’t you see? He broke the Jedi Code, I didn’t. That’s the only difference between us. Even if we were as different as you think, I’m the last of the Jedi! I have a duty to teach any and all force-sensitive beings that want to revive the Order. What kind of master could I ever be if I led a new generation while breaking the rules? Attachment is forbidden, Han, that’s all there is to it,” Luke had replied, trying to convince himself as much as Han.

Eventually, Han moved on. With Luke’s sister. Leia.

Luke assured him that there was no one else he would rather him be with - he loved Leia unconditionally - but a quiet voice always whispered of jealousy and regret whenever he saw them together.

And then they had a son.

Luke had tried so hard to protect Han. His efforts to remain completely detached had proven futile; he still monitored Han through the Force, often without realizing it. He felt out for him whenever they were apart, but before receding into isolation this had been rare. Then, he had visited him regularly; after all, he was living with his sister.

In the grand scheme of his life, Luke had avoided a romantic relationship. He had accepted Han and Leia’s love. He had done everything he could to be the Jedi Master he was destined to be. And yet, despite all of this, he had failed.

Han was dead.

His son, Luke’s nephew, was born out of Luke’s choice to reject Han for a pious life dedicated to The Force and the Jedi Code. Had Luke allowed himself to love and be loved in return, this wouldn’t have happened. Han would still be alive.

Han’s own son had killed him.

His son, that Luke had trained, had used his skills for murder.

Luke hadn’t saved Han, hadn’t even protected him; he had practically orchestrated his death.

When it was happening, Luke didn’t even have to reach out to Han to know what was happening.

He had felt the Force shift uncomfortably, as if against its will. A dark, cold wave leaked through, twisting itself around Luke’s heart. He felt this whenever Kylo R-Ben Solo was at his worst.

Only then did he search for Han. Offering himself up completely to the Force, he felt Han’s raw pain. There was guilt eating through his heart and a flood of sadness drowning his entire body.

There was no fear.

Instead, there was hope. It was dim; a sliver of light another Jedi might have missed, but strong just the same.

And then, nothing - a gaping wound in the galaxy that Han Solo once filled.

Luke clasped at the tree closest to him to prevent his fall, but he couldn’t stop the sobs that burst from him. He would’ve died an infinite amount of times for him. He would’ve – he could’ve – he should’ve – done anything for him.

This was Luke’s fault, and he couldn’t hide away from it like he had when his padawans had fallen at Ben’s blade. He would always feel the Force; even if he gave up his life as a Jedi, he couldn’t give up his sensitivity. It was part of him, and so the emptiness that his senses recognized as Han would follow him.

They always had been, and always would be, bound as one.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing I've written in a really long time so hopefully it isn't too rough and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
